Sacred vs. Scarcity: Healing Your Relationship with Visibility

Let me start by saying something that might feel uncomfortable: Most of what we’ve been taught about “putting ourselves out there” in business is fundamentally broken. I’ve spent the last decade unlearning the aggressive marketing tactics and visibility “rules” that left me feeling hollow and inauthentic. Today, I want to have an honest conversation about visibility that honors both our need to be seen and our very human fears around it.

At 52, I’ve finally made peace with showing up as myself in my work. But it wasn’t always this way.

For years, I tried to follow the standard playbook: perfectly curated social media feeds, carefully constructed “expert” personas, and marketing strategies that felt like they were written by someone half my age who had never questioned the wisdom of hustling 24/7. I watched younger entrepreneurs confidently declare themselves “thought leaders” after six months in business, while I sat on my gifts for years, telling myself I wasn’t ready.

Perhaps you can relate?

The Roots of Visibility Fear

What I’ve come to understand is that our complicated relationship with visibility often stems from deeper places than mere marketing discomfort. For many of us, especially women in midlife, it’s tied to:

• Generational patterns of “staying small” to stay safe
• Cultural conditioning about appropriate behavior for women
• Past experiences where being visible led to criticism or harm
• Internalized beliefs about age and relevance in the digital age
• Religious or family messages about humility and pride

These aren’t simple mindset blocks that can be cleared with a positive affirmation or a “just do it” approach. They’re complex layers of protection that served us at one point but may no longer be necessary.

The Sacred Nature of Being Seen

What if we viewed visibility not as a marketing tactic, but as a sacred agreement with those we’re meant to serve? This shift in perspective changed everything for me.

When we root our visibility in service rather than sales, something profound happens. The energy transforms from “look at me!” to “I see you, and I have something that might help.” This isn’t about manufacturing authority or claiming expertise you don’t have – it’s about showing up authentically with what you do know, what you’ve lived, what you’ve learned.

Here’s what sacred visibility looks like in practice:

• Sharing your story not to prove something, but to create connection
• Speaking about your work with quiet confidence rather than inflated claims
• Allowing your presence to be both strong and soft
• Moving at a pace that feels aligned with your energy
• Choosing visibility platforms that honor your natural way of communicating
• Setting boundaries around when and how you’ll be visible

Moving Beyond Scarcity

The scarcity mindset around visibility shows up in many ways:

“If I don’t post every day, I’ll become irrelevant.”
“Someone else is already doing this better than me.”
“I’m too old to start being visible now.”
“There’s no room for my voice.”

I spent years believing these thoughts, watching my younger colleagues seemingly fearlessly share everything from their morning routines to their revenue numbers. But here’s what I’ve learned: The market isn’t tired of authenticity – it’s tired of artifice.

Your lived experience, your earned wisdom, your unique perspective – these aren’t commodities to be maximized but gifts to be shared thoughtfully. And contrary to what the digital marketing world might have us believe, you don’t need to be everywhere, all the time.

Creating a Sustainable Visibility Practice

Instead of following prescribed formulas, I invite you to create a visibility practice that feels sustainable and authentic to you. Here’s how I approach it:

Choose Quality Over Quantity

• Focus on meaningful connections rather than vanity metrics
• Share when you have something valuable to say, not because a calendar dictates it
• Allow space for reflection and integration between visible moments

Honor Your Natural Rhythms

• Pay attention to when you feel most energized and creative
• Create content in batches when inspiration strikes
• Take breaks without guilt when you need to restore
  

Start Where You Are

• Use the platforms and methods that feel most natural to you
• Begin with small steps that stretch but don’t overwhelm
• Build gradually on what works, let go of what doesn’t

Define Success On Your Terms

• Move away from comparison and competition
• Celebrate the quality of connections over quantity
• Measure impact through transformation, not just transactions

Healing the Visibility Wound

Many of us carry what I call a “visibility wound” – past experiences or inherited beliefs that make being seen feel dangerous. Healing this requires patience, self-compassion, and often, professional support.

Some gentle ways to begin:

• Journal about your earliest memories of being visible
• Notice where in your body you feel resistance to being seen
• Explore what safety means to you in your business
• Practice small acts of visibility in supportive environments
• Surround yourself with others who model healthy visibility

Remember: Your visibility journey doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s. You don’t need to dance on TikTok or share your deepest vulnerabilities online to build a meaningful business (unless you want to!).

The Permission to Be Seen

Consider this your permission slip to:

• Take your time
• Share your wisdom selectively
• Set strong boundaries
• Change your mind
• Disappear when you need to
• Come back when you’re ready
• Define visibility on your own terms

Creating Strategic Vulnerability

There’s a delicate balance between authentic sharing and oversharing. I call this “strategic vulnerability” – being truthful and open while maintaining appropriate professional boundaries. This means:

• Sharing challenges after you’ve processed them, not during
• Speaking to your experience without prescribing for others
• Being honest about your journey while protecting your privacy
• Focusing on insights rather than raw emotions

The Power of Aligned Visibility

When your visibility practice aligns with your values and energy, marketing stops feeling like a chore and becomes a natural extension of your work. You’ll find yourself:

• Attracting clients who respect your boundaries
• Building genuine connections that last
• Creating content that energizes rather than depletes
• Growing at a pace that feels sustainable

Moving Forward: A Gentle Practice

As we wrap up, I’d like to offer a few journaling prompts to help you explore your relationship with visibility:

1. What would being visible feel like if you knew you were completely safe?
2. What aspects of your work or wisdom do you most want to share?
3. Where do you feel most natural and comfortable showing up?
4. What boundaries would help you feel more secure in being seen?
5. What small step toward visibility feels possible today?

Take time with these questions. Let them simmer. There’s no rush to figure it all out at once.

Final Thoughts

Your journey with visibility is uniquely yours. While the online business world might push for constant exposure, remember that some of the most profound work happens in quiet moments, in small groups, in gentle conversations.

Trust that your wisdom will find its way to those who need it most, not through force or manipulation, but through authentic connection and aligned action. You don’t need to shout to be heard – you just need to show up as yourself, consistently and courageously, in ways that honor both your gifts and your boundaries.

Remember: The world needs your wisdom, shared in your way, at your pace. Nothing more, nothing less.

P.S. If this resonated with you, I’d love to hear your thoughts. How do you navigate visibility in your work? What challenges and triumphs have you experienced? Share below if you feel called to.

Want to read more thoughts on building a soulful side gig? Click, here.

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